Golf: Elegant Pastime, Racist Sport
Everyone who likes golf, click here.
So, I've worked at a preppy ass country club for awhile. I've served the rich and moderately famous, helped people pull their golf bags out of their Lexus/Ferrari/Porsche, and generally been fucked over by the rich. I feel its about due time that I complain about how golf is not only classist, but racist, and generally just a horrible sport.
Golf tees. Great for hitting off of, or stabbing yourself in the eye.
I want to note that while golf as a sport really does suck, I still have respect for the skill of individual golfers. Its not easy to grip that shaft and fondle the balls the way they do.
My arguments for why follow:
Argument One: Prices of Equipment
So, I did some research on some 'discount' golf sites. To play golf, you need 4 things:
-A set of clubs
-A bag for your clubs
-Golf balls
-Golf shoes
So, lets look at say, bags first. The special, cheapest bag I could find on www.golfdiscount.com was $69.00 USD. It probably was made out of paper.
Its a golf bag! Bend over!
Lets look at sets of clubs. I'll grab a random company that isn't despicable like Nike or something. Lets do PING. So, I went on ebay, notorious for cheaper shit, and I found a set of ping clubs starting at $248.00 USD. Shipping was $200 within the US.
You need balls to play, and I don't mean testicles, so I took at look at some Wilson balls with a free jimmy-cap, I mean hat. $26.50 including shipping. But you get a free hat.
Finally, I went to find some shoes. Most courses won't let you fuck around in sandals or boots. Clubs like to have dress codes. I looked at Footjoy eComforts, which went for a modest $70. The Nikes went for more than that.
Lets add it up! (Not including all charges including tax and shipping on shoes and bags!)
$70
$450
$26
+$70
$616 USD
So, you're telling me that it costs approximately $620 to play a round of golf with non-rented equipment. Great!
Argument 2: Space
If you ever leave your house (and I'm assuming that because you are reading this, you don't) you have probably seen some kind of country club, public or private.
In case you haven't noticed, golf courses take up a massive amount of real estate. I'm talking 500+ acres of land for an 18 hole course.
In order for an entrepreneur to start a golf course, he will need millions, and I mean millions of dollars to acquire that much land, not to mention change the land into something suitable for a golf course. The land needs to be as flat as possible. The land needs to have little running water, or water that is controllable. The land needs to be an appropriate shape to make a 300 yard fairway.
REPEAT AFTER ME, FUCKTARDS:
WASTE
OF
SPACE
With that amount of space, you could build a hundred houses and a shopping mall. Instead, rich people spend their money on a huge piece of land, in order to pursue a pastime, giving absolutely nothing back to the community except their snooty attitude.
Argument 3: Destruction of Nature, and the Growing of GRASS
In order to have a successful golf course, you have to grow the grass right. I'm not talking just any grass, though. You need 'Bermuda' grass, or 'bent grass'.
www.penningtonseed.com has a brand of grass called 'Princess 77'. I looked at the explanation, and here's an excerpt:
The average cost to establish tournament quality turf using Princess 77 will range from an estimated $660 to $1,750 an acre, while sprigging will cost an average $1,000 to $2,400 and sod installation will range from $7,000 to 10,000 an acre. Princess 77 will continue to save a significant amount of money far beyond the establishment phase when you consider it requires at least 20% less irrigation volume than Tifway 419, for example, through the summer months.
Apparently, Bermuda grass, of different type of course costs a variable amount of money. A 5 pound bag of Princess 77 costs, when on sale, $139.50. There's also, apparently (and optimistically) 1-2 pounds per 1000 square feet. I'll let you do the calculations for just planting the grass.
After you plant it, you get to maintain it, cut it every day, and hire people to water the greens, dig holes... ect. You get the picture.
Argument 4: Private Golf Clubs
Everyone knows that golf is a white person's sport. That's obvious. With the success of Tiger Woods, people are beginning to believe that its 'opening up', just like baseball did.
Sure. Everyone is invited to the public golf clubs, just as long as you have the equipment to play. But to get into a private club; to become a member with full privileges, you have to be white. I'm talking as white as an Eskimo on his/her first trip to Bermuda (pun intended).
I worked at a golf club. I should know. There were two black people. They both attended the locker rooms. Fucking pathetic.
The fee to become a member was initially something like a $30,000 down payment.
Luckily, minorities are smarter, and avoid creating class discrimination like the rich whities do.
So, not only does it take you 4 or 5 paychecks to pay off your new set of clubs, but you also have a 0% chance of getting into a private club if you are of any ethnicity other than pasty, white honkeys.
I want to call upon all of those who see the truth of the matter in the racism and classism inherent in golf to join me in doing two things:
1. Eliminating the sport all together.
2. Making it equal opportunity.
It sucks, though. I know that, and you know that. It's not really a sport, because its more like a big, gangbanging experience. You get a little 3 horsepower cart and drive around playing with your shafts. Disgusting.
But back to the anarchy thing. We should all go out and take
craps on every golf course you see, public or private, racist or not. As long as
some are racist, the 'sport' will remain inherently racist.
0wned!
That's right folks. I'd give up on pacifism to destroy golf as we know it. Well, maybe not. Who knows, though?
I'm done with these fuckers. 0wned.