Goomba's and "Super" Mario's Inherent Racism
So, for those of you who haven't played the original Super Mario Brothers on the old school Nintendo, let me inform you of something:
you're an asshole.
Now, for the rest of us human beings, we all know what a superior game the original Mario (as it will be referred to from now on) was. I swear, there is no harder video game than that very game.
As you all probably remember, unless you were drugged as a child, which I know most of my fans/friends were/are, you probably remember the various dumb looking enemies Mario had to face in his tunnel adventures. Little did you know, the young impressionable mind that you had, that Mario was actually a tool of oppression against those little cute dudes known as Goombas.
Yes, that is their name. It's known, and yes, they look like turds with feet, but we can't let that get to our head. They are people too.
Here is some photographic proof of the Goomba's existence:
As you can see, they are brown. Have feet, sort of, ect.
Here is photographic evidence of racism against goombas:
Mind you, this is a real and present issue and a danger to our society. Too many goombas have died useless deaths at the hands of plumbers.
If you aren't convinced by that picture, let me give you a little hypothetical situation, here:
So, say you are a goomba. You go between two pipes over and over and over again for your whole life. Always walking sideways, you are the epitome of peace within the world. All of a sudden, Mario, chasing the princess (chasing sex, really), comes crashing into your neighborhood, killing all the plants in the pipes, and stepping on your goomba friends. Of COURSE YOU WOULD BE PISSED. You'd have to be a dumbass goomba not to be pissed about the deaths of your fellow peacemakers. And so, because of all this violence at the hands of a horny plumber, we got things like this:
Pre-determination, racism, and stereotyping. Instead of giving the goomba the chance he needed, we turned them into nothing more than things to squish underfoot. Untouchables. Slaves to our sexual desires, or what have you. In any case, propaganda like the above shows goombas as the aggressors, when it is KNOWN, that on the first world in Mario, there are no peace talks: just a violation of the personal property of the goomba and the subsequent smashing of their bodies. This is a sad, sad time for our country, our world, the world of supposed fairness and equality.
We have oppressed the goombas long enough. Today, I call upon all readers to don on their robes of Compassion and walk upon water with me as we go to save the Jews... I mean, the goombas.
Actually, goombas remind me of Grimace, the big purple piece of shit from McDonald's.
Grimace, unlike goombas, is an unproductive part of our society, and I think that he... she... it, should be destroyed as soon as possible before all our kids end up thinking that giant fuzzy purple talking pieces of walking garbage are something to look up to.
PLUS KIDS =
CRYBABY PUSSIES
I think I've done enough... oops, font... damage here today.