A Solemn Tribute to the Red Cup
How many damn pictures have you seen with the infamous red cup? How many idiot college students have gotten chemically retarded because of it? How many drunk drivers have died because of its use?
SOLO is the company who produces this notorious piece of plastic, and now has a monopoly over the industry of beer cups. Don't believe me? Here's their website:
As you can see, they are a family oriented, friendly, foodservice company on the outside.
But on the inside, I think their aims are much, much more sinister. Rather than occupying the drinker's #1 cup position, SOLO wants people to get drunk.
How do I know this? Well, I am Will's Destructive Intelligence.
No, really, I know this, because on my campus, yes, ON MY CAMPUS, they sell these cups. You can use your meal plan to buy them. You can get drunk off your parents money with these cups.
In fact, I would put money on the hypothesis that these cups may have been chemically bonded, by SOLO, with depressants in order to make the chemical retardation THAT much more potent.
I wouldn't be surprised if the same people that make SOLO cups also sunk the titanic and caused houses to sink in central Philadelphia.
Don't be fooled by their docile appearance; this company is dangerous, and we should all boycott the red cup. Let's pick a less conspicuous color... like, neon green. You know, something obnoxious that you can't look at directly or threaten losing your eyesight.